stevenrayorr.com

I just saw Indy 4.

I liked it.

To those of you who didn’t? Stop having high expectations for movies that are clearly suckfests.

I also went to Burger King afterwards and got a Whopper.

It made me throw up.

I didn’t like it. But I didn’t have very high expectations for the burger. I was foolish enough to think that I wouldn’t spend twenty minutes in a bathroom puking.

I was wrong.

I’m gunna drink some Pepto and sleep.

Hey baby. Long time no see. Sorry I haven’t been around as much… Those slave-drivers at McDonald’s are workin’ me real hard.

What are you talking about? Of course I haven’t been screening your calls! I’ve just haven’t had my phone for a while. It’s not my fault! My cell company shut my phone off! No way I’d ignore you, honeycakes.

What emails? Oh… Those emails. Right. Well, I can explain ‘onest! Ya’see, I have… half a dozen different email accounts. And checking them all is a lot of work. Not to mention I’ve been busy trying out things like Urban Dead and ForumWarz. You know I love you, but I loathe the undead. And sometimes, killing them has to go first.

What bank withdrawls? Darling! You know I need my books. I’ve been hitting up the Chapters as much as I can. I gotta get my Stephen King fix!

Oh… you’ve been tracking my GamerTag on X-Box Live and seen me online all the time? Well, I suppose that’s my fault. But… baby, you gotta hear me out. Grand Theft Auto IV came out recently. And you know I’m a sucker for video games. It’s an impressive game.

But I promise! I’ve been thinking about you lots. How about I take you out for dinner tonight? We drink a bottle of champagne. You put on that cute little dress I like. And we see what happens?

Baby?

Hun?

Where’d you go?

So, astute readers may notice that I haven’t updated my 52 books in 52 weeks thing. They would probably assume that I haven’t been reading and that I’m an overall failure.

Well, I’ll have to let you bastards know that I have been reading. Reading like craaazy. But instead of reviewing the books as I go, I started to put them on a pile to be reviewed later. And then that pile (along with my unread books pile) got packed. And now I’ve got two boxes filled with books that need to be sorted again. Once I find the space to sort them.

But worry not, Constant Reader. I shall attend to said task at some point. You won’t have to go long without my lovely prose.

So I’m back in Ladysmith.

I’ve spent most of my day trying to think of something poetic or inspiring to say about this fact. And, to be honest, there’s nothing: Ladysmith is exactly the same as it has always been. And it will likely stay that way forever. That’s the whole “small town” feeling that is oh-so-regular.

Oh well. Poetry will have to come later.

I have a confession. A confession that is going to make roughly a third of my readership disappear. But I cannot live a lie.

I bought Guitar Hero III (Bye Carla!).

It is FANTASTIC!

Yes, yes. I know. Where the hell have I been? They’ve made two other Guitar Hero games (plus an expansion). Why haven’t I attained a copy already?

Because I’m an idiot and I hate fun.

But I’m over it now. And I have become a hero. I have rocked out to awesome songs like Welcome to the Jungle and Paint It, Black. I have guitar dueled with Slash and Tom Morello. I have become a rock god, living the fullest life a rocker can. And I look damn fine in leather hotpants.

Okay, so now we’re going to play a game. It’s called “Guess which of those statements is a lie”. Everyone ready? Go.

…

Done? Awesome. If you guessed “All of them” you win!

Because playing Guitar Hero isn’t the same as playing a guitar. Let me just repeat that in bold: Because playing Guitar Hero isn’t the same as playing a guitar.

There’s this stimga towards games like Rock Band and Guitar Hero. “It’s not really playing guitar”. Duh. We get that.

Listen, when I play Mario 64, do I really think I’m an italian plumber who eats mushrooms and is able to throw fireballs? No. I may wish I was, but I’m not. And no matter how many times I play Mario 64, that is never going to change.

The very same goes for Guitar Hero. I know it’s not actually playing guitar. Hell, I’ve got a guitar in my closet that is very slowly rotting away because I’m awful at it (PS: someone should make a Guitar Hero-like game for helping idiots like me learn guitar. Harmonix, get on it!). I play Guitar Hero because it’s fun.

Fun.

Isn’t that the whole freaking point?

Okay, so you may not enjoy it. Fine. You’re allowed to pick what you find as fun. And if you want to decide, without even playing, that it sucks? You’re free to that to.

I’ll be rocking out with my band Muppetrock and trying to perfect White Cliffs of Dover.